Get up, Don

The latest studies from fancy universities are attempting to steal many of my favorite moments.

I’m told I can’t eat chocolate milkshakes or Cinnabuns.

A hot cup of coffee in the afternoon? No way.

Can I bask in the sun? Not on my life.

Now, research at Columbia University Medical Center scolds me for sitting in my favorite chair longer than 30 minutes at a time without walking around for 5 minutes. I don’t even get comfortable in my recliner in half an hour. I wouldn’t finish reading “War and Peace” until February 2024 (I might not finish it anyway).

The study claims I’m part of the bad crowd of 500 million people worldwide who are running up a bill of $27 billion in avoidable medical bills by just sitting around.

I don’t pay much attention to all this malarkey.

After all, I couldn’t get into any of these prestigious universities.