Timeouts

Yes, I once again have done an evidence-based study, and I am searching for a scientific journal to publish my findings for the world to devour. It’s about reassessing one’s true age. I just need a little help from anyone who passed a ninth-grade math class.

Based on my birth certificate, I show to be 79 years, three months and change. However, after some outstanding critical thinking, I surmised it is not fair to include the time I have spent searching for lost items. They should be treated like timeouts as in football or basketball games, where the clock stops until the real action resumes.

Taking that into consideration, I attempted to recalculate my age based on my daily experiences since turning the age of 50 until the present time. To make sure my methodology was impeccable, I only included time searching for five items: glasses, watch, phone, keys and wallet. Without boring you with the complex mathematical formulas applied, it turned out that 1 hour, 45 minutes and 2 seconds were invested in searches per day (note of interest: when glasses were involved, added difficulty resulted due to vision impairment).

This is where I ran into trouble. My mathematical skills do not allow me to convert this to the years and months I should shave off my official age. If you do this last little portion of my study, I will include you as a minor research assistant in my published study.